CH 2

I know what you're thinking. You'd be wrong. I wouldn't do that. I'm not married. Yet. I'm engaged...to a wonderful man who would make me the envy of every woman and most gay men. He's absolutely gorgeous, rich as sin, thoughtful, would be the perfect father, and is a good lover. Notice I didn't say great. Maybe to someone who doesn't know any better, he would be considered great. But, I know things he's never even heard of. Therein lies my dilemma.

I feel I can share almost every aspect of my life with him. Just not this one thing. I don't think he'd like my leather collection. Of course, I always weigh the pros and cons of my decisions. It's just this time I'm weighing the pros and cons after I said yes. Well, what did you expect me to do? He asked me in front of our families and friends at a New Year's party. I couldn't say no without facing everyone and explaining to them that I couldn't possibly marry him because he doesn't like to tie me up and beat me...or let me tie him up...you get the idea.

I do love him. I don't know that I would consider this settling. He is perfect in every other way. This is why I'm trying to decide if it's me. Me who has the problem. Me who is wrong. I'm trying to be practical. Should I pass on this opportunity on the off chance I might find a freak like me? Or should I just keep on pretending to everyone else? Pretend to be tamed. I abhor the idea. I want to be free...to be wild.